For 7 days I’ll do an experiment and write a few lines every day here. I do this for myself, but I’m sure it will be useful for you too. Thanks a lot for accompanying me… 🙂
Moment 0 is for me the one I line up with myself, understanding very well who I am and what I want:
“Well, this is the situation, neither good nor bad, and from now on I want to do this …”
By this I understand every action I take to achieve what I want and become who I want to become. The present is a reality of actual state of things, which at times can only be an appearance.
Day 2 here
In prehistoric times when people were living in caves, the woman has offered to the man sex and physical pleasure in exchange for her food. The woman was absolutely dependent on her man for surviving. He was having the force and aggression necessary to hunt and then to offer to her not just food but safety and security – additional ideas tomorrow, Day 4
The times have changed, and yet…
My grandmother have worked only a few days all her whole life, as a chambermaid on the seashore. Being a simple woman from the countryside she preferred to stay at home with the children.
Her husband worked and brought the money necessary for them to live, and she took care of the little ones and the household. The years passed them by with good and bad, and they presented a united front until old age, even they held their hands until to death.
My grandmother had a strange washing machine and even though she did not use it much, she had bedclothes impeccably white and much better than some 4* hotels. At their Christmas table we ate the best cooked cabbage, a bright pink colour, and the gleaming beetroot.
They were people without much knowledge and they made everything rustic.
My grandmother did the best traditional Romanian cake I’ve ever eaten called cozonac. It smelled divine, I was breaking pieces away from it while it was still hot and I enjoying it with enormous pleasure.
It took a whole day to prepare it, we had to be alone at home, not to open the door and to keep the temperature of the room constant. I put on the table tactical, without any hurry, all the ingredients prepared a few days before. The eggs were fresh, they always had many hens in the yard, nuts and other ingredients that I patiently crunched. And of course cocoa, the best one in the market.
I helped my gramdmother a few times, curious to learn the craft that seemed wonderful to me, and I wanted to master it one day.
I baked myself this special cake in the first year and the second after she was going into the light, but I could not do it more. That’s because life took me up and the people around me remembered that I had other things to do, that I had so many other roles and responsibilities…
When my mother was 18 years old, she went to college but immediately met my dad.
She forgot about her studies, and with him they made me. It seems that my mother has not forgotten that important things to her because she has absolutely insisted that I have to go to a college. Do you understand that I have never worked in that area, right?
The woman has changed a lot in the meantime, and my mother was gradually acquainted with a different world than the one she had grown up with her mother, my grandmother. In this new world the woman had to have a job. Nobody thought it was too much, but was it?
When I became a young woman, the world I lived in had new rules, much stricter than in my grandmother’s time.
I was told I had to be independent.
Married, having a husband who had enough money to live on, but to go to work to make money too.
I was lucky that I was able to raise my child until he was 3 years old, but on the one hand I felt guilty that I was at home with my son caring for him. Blaming me that I fully allowed myself to be a mother and wife, against the unwritten rules of society which dictated to me be an independent woman.
That’s the way I became proud and stubborn, as my ex-husband once said to me.
I had to have a job and leave home, my nest, daily. And that was breaking my family. So great was the pressure from outside, then the daily separation from my baby and my home, so at one point I wanted to make a career.
I have worked hard for others, many years of sustained work, and what do you think? Just for the rich men who were doing business on the seashore directly from their pool. Until one day when I realised that this was not my place, I was so far away from the Woman in me.
And I have to admit that for all my ‘wrong’ choices and ‘mistakes’ I was blaming him, the Man.
I am aware of this nowadays, and I want to make up for it. I work with myself to recognise and respect his importance in my life. This way I reconnect with the woman in me.
I get permanent patience and wisdom through my roots, as Nerdy did in Avatar, from my ancestors.
I’m charging through that energetic channel, subtly, with femininity from my mother, a soul straying still on the earth. From my grandmother, gone away for years, from my great-grandmother, and so on.
I’m in the process…
Forgot the woman to be a Woman, forgot the man to be a Man?
DAY 4 here
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